A Checklist For Guys
This is a general note to many guys I know and see around me. I was in an almost 15-year relationship that ended, so I know a thing or two about mistakes. I also have many female friends who confide in me now, including my lovely girlfriend. Watching guys stumble, trip, fail, and complain about women is annoying. It’s also annoying to see them behave in crappy ways toward women, whether they know it’s crappy or not. So, having said all that, I put together this list of general guidelines for guys to follow when it comes to women (and society in general for a few of them). Obviously, this isn’t applicable to all guys everywhere or all women everywhere, but it applies to enough that I felt compelled to put the list together. Enjoy.
- It’s okay to flirt. It’s not okay to flirt with expectations.
- If you get “friend zoned”, don’t just be fine with that. Be that woman’s friend, not her wannabe boyfriend or hopeful sexual partner.
- Talk to women like they’re, y’know, people.
- Just because a women is “your type” doesn’t mean you’re her type. Don’t assume otherwise.
- If you go on a date with a girl, make damn sure she knows it’s a date too. It’s not a date just because you want it to be and the two of you are out alone.
- Behave. Yes, you can hug too long. Yes, constantly putting your arms around someone and offering backrubs can count as being too handsy and definitely veers into creepy territory. Not every girl has the same threshold when it comes to physical interactions.
- Yes, there’s a double standard with the above. Deal with it.
- Don’t talk about how hot other girls are in front of a girl you’re interested in. This is something that shouldn’t have to be said, but sadly, it is.
- Have a job. Or that is, a regular source of income. This isn’t shallow and materialistic. This shows responsibility and self-worth, which are, unsurprisingly, attractive qualities.
- Have a vehicle you can both ride in or on. Again, this simple thing implies responsibility. This doesn’t equally apply in some places like New York City, where public transportation is easily available and many things are within walking distance.
- Don’t ask out every girl in the same group of friends. This not only makes you look desperate, but it makes no one feel special. You come off as someone who’s just waiting for the first bite and doesn’t care who does it.
- In that same vein, stop trying so damn hard to “get a girlfriend” or a date or whatever else. People can see that attitude from a mile away, and it’s pretty damn unattractive.
- Don’t offer advice on her issues or try to fix her problems unless asked for your input. This may not be a direct request. Find the cue. The cue isn’t simply her talking to you though.
- It’s okay to say a woman looks attractive, but generally, the only part of a woman’s body it’s okay to openly compliment when you’re not close friends or equally pursuing a more intimate relationship is her hair or eyes. Commenting on clothes is allowable, but know your limits.
Good: “That dress looks great on you.” Bad: “I like that low-cut shirt on you.”
- More importantly, compliment girls on things besides how physically attractive you find them.
- Just because a girl flirts with you doesn’t mean she wants to date you.
- Hell, just because a girl makes out with you at a party doesn’t mean she wants to date you.
- Have a conversation. That’s a two-way thing, which means you can’t spend the entire time talking about yourself or only asking her questions about her.
- Know some basic etiquette. Don’t assume that you can eat off her plate or taste her drink because you know each other. In most cases, it’s best even to let the other person offer you a taste instead of asking for it. This sets a very clear line of boundaries that can get carried over into other thoughts about you.
- Give a damn what you look like. Not just fitness level and basic hygiene, but how your clothes look. Not just are they new or fashionable, but are they clean? Do you end up wearing the same shirt or pair of jeans multiple times a week? Giving a damn about yourself not only helps with your own self-confidence level but implies that you’ll give a damn about her too.
- If you already have a girlfriend, fucking quit it.
- If she has a boyfriend (or girlfriend), fucking quit it.
- Keep the shit talking about yourself to a minimum. No one wants to date the person who regularly needs reinforcement or emotional/psychological boosting. Real emotions are good and should be easily shown. Needing your real emotions to be petted like a sensitive, skittish puppy isn’t good.
- Relax. That’s it. Just relax. This one is basically a summation of many of the other guidelines from above. Don’t always try to put on a show or always outsmart other people. Enough with the funny voices all of the time. Be a real person who can seem genuinely interested, and uninterested, in other people’s lives and world events. Relax.